Wayne and Garth Epitaphs

These are some epitaph poems I wrote for Mr. Thompson's english class. I guess it ties in with the whole "Spoon River" subject we have been talking about lately. If you don't know what "Spoon River" is, you will probably learn about it soon, but it is a bunch of headstone poems. Freeverse poems that tell about a dead person's past life. It can include regrets, hopes, dreams, and sometimes they are just stories from their past. Here are the ones I wrote. Enjoy! They are about the two star characters of the movie "Wayne's World". If you have seen this movie, you will most likely understand these epitaphs and you may possibly find them a little funny. If you've unfortunately never seen "Wayne's World", I suggest that you see it, but in the mean time, just enjoy these epitaphs as much as you can!

Garth Algar

In life I was Wayne’s monkey boy.
I was his sideshow puppet.
I was his spineless rag doll.
He ordered and without objection I obeyed.
If he “partied on” I “partied on” right beside him.
He never did share the spotlight, and yet that was all I yearned for.
I wanted to taste the glory.
I wanted it as much as Stacie wanted Wayne’s affection.
But did I ever fight for my share of the fame?
“Chya, right!? And monkeys might fly out of my butt!”
Like a new pair of underwear, the hunger for fame constricted me until it eventually became a part of me.
And I vanished into the background of the “Wayne’s World” madness.
In life I was his monkey boy,
And even in death his voice still haunts me.
“Party on Garth…………….party on.”


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Wayne Campbell

“Wayne’s World” was my brain child.
An idea sprung from my pure genius.
Perhaps it was a message from God…
“NOT!”
Garth was the first to try and claim the show as his own.
But when my name became the title,
Garth became nothing more than my right hand man.
What was I to do?
From the get go it was obvious who the star was.
I had the stage presence.
I had my “Excellent” sense of humor.
Like a moth to the flame, the women were drawn to me.
Stacie bought me a gun rack, but Cassandra captured me with her song.
She was my one and only and she was a babe.
“Sha-wing!”